His, not Mine

God Calling

November 3

NO LIMIT

" 'Ask what ye will and it shall be done unto you.' How I can fulfill the promise is My Work, not yours, to consider... Have big Faith, and expect big things, and you will get big things."

Well... I guess on that note, I have nothing to add...

The Price of Being Queen

I would like to be queen.

When I've been asked: "If you could be anything or do anything that wasn't what you're doing now, what would you do/be?" My reply? "I'd be queen."

I think I'd be good at it. I'd love all the glamorous aspects of getting to wear pretty dresses and getting your hair done. But I think I also would like the responsibility too. The power to make change happen and make the good changes. The ones that alter history and make justice happen.

In general I handle pressure well and I'm not easily manipulated, so I couldn't be tricked into much or forced into any arranged marriages that I didn't want. :)


"Just remember there's a price for being queen," Lori said to me earlier today.

The price of being queen? Can I even begin to grasp all that it would require of me?
Your life dictated from the moment you're born. What an awesome responsibility, but what a heavy burden as well. To always be told what to wear, when to eat, who to talk to, how to talk to them. There would never be any privacy so your whole life is on display for the public to nit pick and dissect. Everything subject because you represent your country, whether you like it or not.

No matter, because this was not meant to be my chosen profession nor my lifestyle, but I suppose in a very small way I will be queen of many things. My household, for one. I'm sure my husband won't appreciate that sentiment very much, but if he likes, I'll call him my "king". They kind of go hand-in-hand. And in that aspect of being queen of my little world, I'll have the same perks and demands on me as that of the Queen of England or Sweden. I'll get to wear pretty dresses and make changes in the world around me. I can make the same kinds of differences in the lives of those around me that I would if I was in charge of an entire country. Like most queens, as well, I'll be subject to the protocol that comes with being someone's wife. I wouldn't represent a country, but I will represent him. Everything I do must become subject to not only the fact that I represent Christ but I also represent my "king".

That's hard on my independence and pride. In fact, I can see how I will have moments when I just want to go where I want, do what I want, or say what I want and I can foresee how that will be a problem for me at times.

This is going to take a lot of work someday and I suppose I can get myself used to it now. Considering the fact that, no matter what, I know that my husband will be just as strong willed and opinionated as I am- so "clash of wills" might be an understatement.

I watch my mom handle this so graciously. The spit-fire inside of me thinks it's unfair at times, even though my dad is far from being an ogre of a husband, but in the small ways that she lays down her will to honor my dad and follow either his wishes or his mood swings (what? I know men have them too), she acts like a queen and through that she honors her God.
Being queen ultimately means that you dedicate your life to the lives of others- when it hurts and when it brings you glory. People will stand in awe and others will stand in criticism. *shrug* I guess that's just part of the job and if you think about it that's kind of what the "Proverbs 31 woman" is. But if I can get this through it all:

"Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

'Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.'

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

(Proverbs 31:28-30)

...I think the price of being queen might be worth it. ;)

5:19

Because it's just too perfect...

"I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you
That I'm ok
July came, I thought I had it all together
Until you said
'I need some space'
Truth be told
It's so hard to wait

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.

We both know that I could think myself dizzy
Right now I'm spinning around
You said, 'baby, don't worry'
But I just miss you right now
I said, I miss you right now

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.


Baby, take all the time you need
I just want you to know
I'll be here, waiting

With one eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go. "

~"5:19", Matt Wertz

Mulling over Impossibility and the "How?"s

Can I tell you, I don't know how any of this will work? Ok, well, I don't know how this will work. I wonder if Joshua had similar thoughts when the Commander of the Lord's Army gave him the orders to march around the city of Jericho.

"What?? March around the city once a day for 6 days and then on the 7th march around it seven times and then yell... oh and have the priests blow their horns?" No wonder God told Joshua so many times to be strong and courageous and reassured Joshua's heart continually that He would fight the battle and the victory was already won. Looking out at all of those nations must have filled Joshua with an unnerving sense of impossibility. (I just finished Joshua, by the way, and it was so good, I kind of want to read it again.)

3 months ago my life made sense. I had clear thoughts and I didn't know it would be possible to love anymore than I loved at that moment. In a little over one week that confidence was completely blown out of the water and as I flew over Michigan towards Chicago I struggled to remember something, anything of what that confidence in the will of the God felt like. I felt like I had been drop-kicked in a sea of ambiguety. Being certain of two things/plans that don't seemingly relate to each other.

God has been so faithful to fill in the holes here and there, as He deems necessary, but there is still this huge gaping hole of "how" that my heart is suddenly begging to know. Because even in the midst of feeling sure of where I am to be right now I cannot shake this feeling of being unsettled and at times a fear of getting settled, only to be uprooted shortly thereafter.

I knew that this was going to be hard, but sometimes I'll sit in a room with my family think of how one day this won't be possible. Last night I was filled with the new knowledge that in the midst of all the other Kingdom reasons for being in Tipton County, Tennessee, God has given me the gift of living with my family once more, before I never will again.

Jim Elliot said, "The will of God is always a bigger deal than we bargin for," and as I sit typing and tears roll down my face, I can honestly say that I feel that to the depth of my being.
But how? It's impossible. We're talking about impossibly strong stubbornness and hurt feelings. How can anyone but an Almighty God clean up the mess that has been made and I know for certain that I had a hand in?

People's stories are usually so simple: *inhale* meet, fall in like, date/court (the lines of what the difference between the two of them have been blurring more and more for me lately), fall in love, proclaim said love, get engaged, plan wedding, get married, plan to not have kids for 5 years, have kids 3 years or more earlier than that, and begin the juggle of marriage, parenting, Christianity and paying the bills. *exhale*

Honestly, sounds a bit cookie-cutter from my angle, but it's alure is the little to no anguish or complication. I don't know if my story is different because I can handle the anguish of waiting and struggle or if it's simply because God chose this for me and I asked for that I long time ago.
I've always been a rebel in this aspect. While more Christians rebel against being Christian-like, I've always rebelled and strove to be Christ-like. I wanted to be like Paul and Joshua, Esther and Ruth. People who didn't lead normal lives.

The thing is, none of us are called to live "normal" lives. We're not even called to be normal. That's boring and the Christian life was never meant to be boring. If you're life in Christ is boring then you must have quit talking and listening to God, because he's fascinating and his plans are breathtaking even when they're heartwrenching.

Angus Buchan said, "For a miracle to occur, it takes difficulty. For a great miracle: impossibility."
At the beginning of reading the book of Joshua, God pointed out to me that most people know what this life that they are meant to live will cost them, but that few are willing to pay it. He knows that I'm willing to pay it and that I can pay it. However much I struggle, however many questions I ask or tears that I cry, He know that I am His and that He is mine.
He's got me like no one else ever will.

Taking the long way home...

The trip to the promise land could have been shorter than it actually took the Israelite to get there. This is common knowledge to anyone who has studied the Old Testement or even anyone who has gotten the curiosity to look at a map of their journey (and if you haven't take a look below). God led them on what we'd call "the long way." Then they differed their arrival by living in fear, rather than in faith, and wasted 40 more years.

Here's what I've put together today: Our "promised lands" are going to take a predetermined time. God is working his brilliance, aligning everything and everyone to fit in with the proclaiming of His glory. There could be a shorter way for us to get to what he has promised, but then how would we grow our trust in him and deepen our reliance on him? I've thought of ways to already be there by things that I maybe could have done different, but the wisdom of God comforts my heart to know that this "long way" is the way of his drawing me closer to him, and every step away from my "promise land" is one step deeper in intimacy with him.

Obedience is a way of freedom. It is a way of walking in his illumination as opposed to wandering in the darkness or in the desert.

In Prince Caspian, when Lucy saw Aslan in the forest and knew that he wanted her to follow him, she had no way of knowing how get over to where she had seen him. And then when no one believed her, she caved and didn't pursue him on her own. The result was the entire group finding themselves in danger, wasting time, only to find themselves back where she had said she'd seen Aslan and finding a way that was much safer to where they needed to be. Aslan later challenged Lucy that she should have followed even if no believed her. The first time I read that, I thought,"I would have gone after him! Even if no one really believed me, you couldn't have talked me out of what I had seen." It's true. I can't even talk myself out of what I've seen.

How quickly fear will talk us out of believing the promises of God.
How fast we are to doubt the fact that God's wisdom that we've prayed for hasn't been given.
If we give in we waste valuable time and God has to clean up our mess.
If we hold fast to the trust the God is faithful, all goes according to His original plan and timeline.

Because the thing is- what God has promised he will do. Nothing we do will defer him from being faithful. We can cause ourselves to have to wait longer, wandering and circling while he realigns the dominoes, but he will deliver every promise exactly as he has promised it. (Joshua 21:43-45)

I'm giving into something heavenly...

Today's (September 30) God Calling:

"WISDOM

I have promised that for every day you live, the strength shall be given you. Do not fear.

Face each difficulty sure that the wisdom and strength will be give you for it. Claim it.

Rely on Me to keep My Promise about this. In My Universe, for every task I give one of My children, there is set aside all that is necessary for its performance. So why fear? So why doubt?"

So essentially- I never have to go through anything alone.

We do that so often: freak out at the tasks set before us. And why do we do that? Often it's because we're scared of failing and being alone. Lies we let ourselves believe. The fact of the matter is that I can't fail at something God asks me to do if I rely wholly on him to do in me what He said he would do. And if, while He's working in me, and I'm letting Him freely do that work, I'm setting about the work He has for me to do... I can't fail...

I hate failing. I can handle being alone. It's not my favorite, but I can handle it. Failing, though, probably my second biggest fear. (Being misunderstood is #1)

Claiming and owning those promises is pure freedom.

Obviously, though, there's a condition. Because, being human, *I* can fail, but surviving and living completely in His Victory over sin and death and strengthened by the Power of the Holy Spirit:

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

"Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you."

Joshua 1:5b

I will probably ruminate in this all day... then it will settle in and hopefully become one my "defining characteristics".

Bottom line, this life of following Christ is not safe. It requires all of you and more than you thought you possessed, but he knows that we can do anything he asks of us through His strength and wisdom.

I'm convinced that reckless abandon happens when you stare straight into the face of God and say, "I trust you." All the while every fear you have is nagging and begging you to turn and run, but the promise in His eyes gives you all the peace your aching heart needs. You're not on a "spiritual high" and everything is far from perfect, but you take that next step toward God, completely unsure of where the ground to sustain that step will come from.

Can I promise you something? You never sink or fall when you keep your eyes on Him.

Strength in the Pang of Absence

Today, I will spend the mid-day with my brother, Tim. Then I will go the Heritage Days picnic at my church. Then I will go home and spend the evening with my family. All the while trying to ignore this pang of absence. Sometimes when it's this intense I wonder how I'll manage to go about my life, let alone day.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Struggle well. Wait in Hope.

I found this on my friend April Diaz's blog. I love the invitation of God to be raw and vulnerable with him. I'm learning that's when he's the most open and raw with us.

"God says, 'Never ignore your struggle with how I do things. Ask every question that rises in your heart as you live in this world. But prepare yourself to struggle even more with My response. You must stumble in confusion before you dance with joy.

Know this: those who live by faith will struggle in ways that those who live to make their lives work will never know. It is that struggle, to believe despite desperate pain and confusion that a good plan is unfolding, that will open your eyes to see Me more clearly. Is that what you want? Will you pay the price?

The price is this: you will tremble in agony as you live in a sinful, self-prioritizing world. You will learn to wait in emptiness and frustrated desire for My plan of love to reveal itself. With confidence in Me and hope in My plan, you will not only feel the pain of living in the valley but also see My glory from the mountaintop of faith.

Only those who struggle in confusion and wait in hope will be strengthened to struggle well and to wait with confidence.

Struggle well! Wait in hope!'"

[from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, copyright 2009]

Love Never Fails

This is my favorite blog layout thus far.
I just love to look at it. Kudos to ShabbyBlogs.com.

"And we know
that for those who love God
all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

I'm pretty sure this verse got me through last week. I've never fought against the will of God more in my life. I've never asked him to not have want he wants to give me before now. I've never asked to have him tell me I'm wrong in what I'm hearing from him with more fervor.

And yet, he continues to guide me toward the future he's shown me, with no timeline or promises other than the promise of his goodness, faithfulness and steadfast love. In the grand scheme of life, how could I ask for more?

Love is ridiculous. I wish it made more sense. It defies common sense and pride, and demands that you get on your knees and wash another's feet- when they love you for it, and when they wish you would go away.

"Love never fails." Have you thought about that? If I love someone, that action can't fail. It may not get me what I think that I want, but it will bring about the righteousness that God requires. Anger won't. (See James 1:20) So, I will love, even if it "kills" me, and it will. However, out of my "death" God will resurrect a more beautiful version of myself that resembles his likeness more than it ever has before.

I think that's worth "dying" for. ;)

Psalms 62:8

"O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge."
~ Psalm 62:8, NLT

Something's Missing

"If I find within myself a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, then the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

"At the end of it all, I want to be in Your arms."

God desires our brokeness.

Only, though, if we refuse to be molded. Like that sheep that keeps wandering away from safety, the shepard will break the sheeps leg so that it will learn to stay near the shepard.

I don't believe that God broke me this time. This time someone else did, and he is requiring me to let me let him be my healer. To keep me from building walls that will keep people out and ultimately Him. He's going to be my cast, if you will. He'll keep my heart from healing crooked, and becoming bitter, jaded, or pitiful. He'll keep me from trying to protect myself- after all I do a terrible job, anyways. Above all, he'll have me healed and stronger than I was before to be ready for what he has in store for me.

Sometimes I still hurt, and I'm sure that even healed fully I'll have the scar. However scars don't have to be a reminder of the pain inflicted- they can be a reminder of the healing that occurred. Being ready for what will come as a result of the breaking, "setting", and healing would be impossible without this invitation from God:

"Call to me and I will answer you,

and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have no known."

Jeremiah 33:3

*Sigh* I'm not sure I'll ever understand the Lord and his ways. I can't even see how this will be for my good, but I know that it will be. He's been so faithful to share with me how what is being required of me will be used.

I trust God.

If you can say that without a "but" to follow, that's a guaranteed beautiful ending.

ugh... crazy week.

tomorrow for sure... ;)

Pinky Promise

I promise I will update and write tomorrow. Promise!

Life Is A Highway

Your life can take so many different directions. For some it never shifts gears out of neutral, due to comfort zones and fear of change. For the vast majority of us, though, we put our lives in drive and head off in various directions. Inside that group is a group that decided to not plan a course, but rather follow their Creator's directions. This takes ultimate faith and reckless abandon of your own wants and desires. Declaring that this is something you want is one thing, but choosing to be steadfast in the moments where you feel faint, that's where you really decide to give Him control. I can't even begin to tell of the moments I asked him where I was going. The conversations about what I thought He wanted and what was or wasn't happening are so raw and exposing of the rotten condition of my heart, most of you wouldn't know me if you read/heard them.
Those are the moments that made me who I am. If you're wondering, or have ever wondered how I got here (which, for the record, isn't quite yet where I want to be), it's a result of those moments. I chose to trust a God that I can't see, that I can't even tangibly prove exists. I don't know anything about science, and I haven't studied the archeological evidence of his work- although I believe both, but you couldn't ever possibly talk me out of his existence and the moving of his Spirit in my life.
I shouldn't have survived the heartache that I have. The pain and anguish that my heart has undergone should have rendered me a bitter, jaded prune of a woman, and yet... I have healing. I have an intense desire to fight for people and relationships.
I have moved more than I would ever like to- I hate moving, for the record- and I know that I will make even more difficult moves in my life. It's the path He's put me on and I wouldn't know what to do if he put me in one spot doing the same thing for the rest of my life. ha!
How can I express what a good God that I serve? I feel as though my heart may burst from the love I hold for him. A love I couldn't ever give to anyone else. Because when everyone failed me, there he was. When I didn't understand the movement of his will, I held on to the fact that he was good, and I came out on the other side, looking back seeing that faith proven well placed. Seeing even that he had been more faithful to me, than I to him.

I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

So! Here's what I have to say:
Don't live your life in neutral. Don't even live it planning your own course.
He's calling you to more than you can imagine.
The cool part is that it won't look anything like the life to which he's calling me. You could never leave the church or geographical region that he placed you in at birth. Or you could end in a place you never even thought you'd visit or working at a church that is so different than what you thought you'd be comfortable in, but he'll stretch you and you'll grow. He'll develop new gifts in you and perfect the ones you already have. You'll be exactly where you've always wanted to be and, at times, places you wouldn't even put people you don't like.

It'll all be worth it. After all, "nothing is a waste of time if it adds to the person you are,"

and in the end you get intimacy with the God of the universe who, for reasons I don't understand, just wants to be with us and tell us his plans. (see John 15)

I'll take it. :)

"Because these things will change, can you feel it now?"

Can I say for the record that I like change?

I cannot be linked into the massive group of people that don't like change. I've heard it said, "Well, nobody likes change." Now you can say, "No, I know someone who likes it."

Transition is awkward, so I'm not a huge fan. Or the moments leading up to change and transition... I don't like those so much either.

Change though... that's fun. "Wherever God leads" are the most adventurous daring words in the English language. It's what keeps you from being stagnant, too comfortable and apathetic. I like being slightly uncomfortable, always moving, and caring so much that my heart might burst and I need to go home to be alone to contain it.
How could you live any other way? How could you possibly give everything of yourself that you're meant to if you don't live this way?

When I was praying about taking the job in Tennessee, I worried about my girls in Illinois. I'll never forget those conversations with God. Me throwing out a reason to not take the job and God answering with a way that he would have that concern taken care of, making my reason an excuse. One of the things he said to me concerning my girls was, "How can you lead them as you're supposed to, if you aren't following me?"
Our life in Christ is supposed to be led by him, others moving in and out of our influence, but that doesn't mean that we lose contact. (Besides, we can always creep on them via Facebook. :p) Ergo, unless we let go, we can't lose those God places in our paths.
And God's right (imagine that). How could I show my girls a life that trusts God completely unless I act on that trust I have in him?

Change will happen and this is a great opportunity for me to show the girls how God takes care of you and how he has amazing plans for our lives. I am loving every minute of it. :)

Girl Named Tennessee

Tennessee changed me.
Strange how places you feel you don't belong in have a way of influencing you. Outside of the occasional twang to the words that I say, I was driving down the road and I realized that I avoid main highways, and opt for the less traveled country roads. I like the scenery, and the way the roads wind.
I used to say that I was a Mid-West Illinois type of girl. I'm not sure I can say that now.
I liked very little about living in the state of Tennessee but I've been wondering lately if it is mainly because I didn't have a ministry purpose. I had resigned from a church feeling like I had been a thorn in their side, went to work at Starbucks (didn't always love that), and often cried out to God, "Is this what you have for me?"
Of course it wasn't permanently, but it was for right then. I would often blame the area I was in for my frustration and I'm sure that was just me projecting my frustration with my discontent on Tipton County. It drove me mad at times how content they were with all the problems they had and how apathetic they were to fix them. Those that attempted to make things better are at times discouraged or mildly threatened to back off. It drove me mad because I had there answer and I didn't have a place to communicate it. It wasn't even the people so much as the apathy I saw in them. I was in the wilderness, and God had not given me a position of teaching, exhorting or service. Covington was my desert, and there was little I liked about it. (The fact that there isn't a Target didn't help their case :op I'm kidding.)

The desert and the wilderness is where God forms you though.

I learned to slow down in Tennessee. I read a lot. I spent a lot of time with my family. I learned the value of people over tasks, and that traditions give us heritage and when valued rightly the ability to move forward with strong roots.
Not a ton has changed externally, but internally I'm deeper than I ever was. I'll never be able to fully explain it, but when I was thirsty I drank up truth. And through this drought I dug until I accessed a well hidden deep within me that has kept me from dehydrating when things get rough now. This well bursts scripture into my head when I need a reminder and fills me with boldness to speak truth. It guides me in being able to communicate and teach people to love God. It's like I had only ever tapped into it before and now it gushes out of me.
I almost don't understand why I was the way I was before. Then I remind myself of God's timing and how good and brilliant he is.
I now find myself in Illinois, the land of my upbringing, and I feel slightly out of place. :op. (I'll never fit in anywhere. ha!) Everyone fills their schedules to the brim, even at church. I totally fell into it. We feel accomplished when our week is packed. We talk about how much we value people, but we have to schedule time with them, and we give them, what, 2 hours to pour out their hearts over Starbucks? I don't think a lot of the people I know think of their house as their place of living. It's where they sleep.
I've begun to see the apathy in some of their hearts, too, though. Externally they're busy and at work, but internally they groan at the idea of growing and being stretched. I just didn't see deeper before.
At least I've got Target 15 minutes from my house now. :)

I'll leave you with this, though: that place where you're at that rubs you raw and you can't see God's plan is right where he wants you right now. Quit fighting him, because you are by holding onto your concepts of his plan for your life. He is working out your kinks and molding you more and more into his likeness. Through that he shows you your next steps. Through that he purifies your heart. Through that you learn to truly delight yourself in him, because you know of his goodness and faithfulness. And through that, your heart becomes more like his, you'll desire what He desire and then those desires can be granted.

I'm standing on the threshold of a beautiful dream that he placed in me 8 years ago and now is pushing me to pursue. One that I don't have to turn back over to him, because I refuse to take it out of his hands. He holds it out and I say, "Father, only allow me to help you." To which he has answered, "Child, I picked you to help me. I want you to do this. Abide in me and I will make your joy complete."
I would not be able to had he not formed me in Tennessee. He has tried me and counted me worthy. I don't know if I agree, but I'll choose to believe him wherever I am.

on top of the world while in the valley

I... would think that having just come back from a retreat, I would have been able to hit the ground running. Full of courage and strength to go in guns blazing, but the last couple of weeks I've felt very...tired. Probably because things have not gotten better, they've gotten worse.
But it's not that, it's this verse:

" 'You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "
Isaiah 20:17

So I've done that exactly. Except for the discouraged part...
Yesterday I was very discouraged. I focused on how out of control things seems to be.

but they're not though!

God is working and in control.
Perspective is everything, you know? Like that moment where Lizzy Bennet stands on top of a cliff in the Peak District. There's something comforting about feeling small, in a vast area that swallows you whole.
The presence of God is a great place to start. During worship on Sunday, I felt him reminding me that he is right there. Next to me. If I pay close enough attention, I could feel that he's so close, I could feel his breath on my cheek.
So how do the two topics connect? Cuz I'm sure you're thinking that I've rabbit trailed. ;) When I get that close- when I'm fully aware of Him, I'm also aware of the work that he's doing that I can't see and therefore I'm not prone to get discouraged.
Perspective is everything.

Adversity

Adversity comes in many forms.

This year's model is someone who once said, "Whatever God wants."
Now it seems that whatever is brought to the table is shot down because that person doesn't know what it is that God wants.

Truly, the will of God is not that hard to figure out. Discerning what is in line with that will takes very little time, usually. Obviously there are exceptions, but the desire to overcomplicate the basics is ridiculous.

But how do you fight with someone and fight for them at the same time? The concept of working to help and serve the very person who seems bent on trying see you fail is a paradoxical situation that I find myself in.

How do you love the very person who makes you want to give up on people like him entirely?

Jesus was an expert at this wasn't he? The perfect person to have pride to the eleventh degree, served those he came to lead and save. Those who would later serve him with their lives completely, he served while they still didn't "get it." They argued over everything, deserted him (except John) when he went to trial. He would lay out God's plan in front of them with perfect clarity and they STILL didn't understand. It blows my mind that Jesus TOLD them exactly how he'd be killed and when and they were surprised when it happened. Jesus served them then. That is really cool to me.

He serves us before we understand so that when we do, we can serve others like he served us.

If there was ever a time where "be Jesus" was applicable in my life as a command, it would be now. The need for being an imitator of Him is so much greater than anything I've ever been faced with. This is the battle he has chosen for me to fight and he has given me the grace to bear it and to have victory in it. The fantastic part is that he hasn't called me to do it completely alone. I've been given a few "traveling companions" that will help to encourage me and challenge me. :) Bonus: I get to work towards my heart's desire in the process and the prize will be the victory Christ desires in my heart and in theirs.

Amen.

Easier to Approach :)

"And You loved me when I was Your enemy
And You chose me when I didn’t believe

You drank the cup that was all filled up
with my punishment and shame
From the garden to the empty tomb
The way I come to You forever changed"
~"The Way I Come To You", Bethany Dillon