Strength in the Pang of Absence

Today, I will spend the mid-day with my brother, Tim. Then I will go the Heritage Days picnic at my church. Then I will go home and spend the evening with my family. All the while trying to ignore this pang of absence. Sometimes when it's this intense I wonder how I'll manage to go about my life, let alone day.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Struggle well. Wait in Hope.

I found this on my friend April Diaz's blog. I love the invitation of God to be raw and vulnerable with him. I'm learning that's when he's the most open and raw with us.

"God says, 'Never ignore your struggle with how I do things. Ask every question that rises in your heart as you live in this world. But prepare yourself to struggle even more with My response. You must stumble in confusion before you dance with joy.

Know this: those who live by faith will struggle in ways that those who live to make their lives work will never know. It is that struggle, to believe despite desperate pain and confusion that a good plan is unfolding, that will open your eyes to see Me more clearly. Is that what you want? Will you pay the price?

The price is this: you will tremble in agony as you live in a sinful, self-prioritizing world. You will learn to wait in emptiness and frustrated desire for My plan of love to reveal itself. With confidence in Me and hope in My plan, you will not only feel the pain of living in the valley but also see My glory from the mountaintop of faith.

Only those who struggle in confusion and wait in hope will be strengthened to struggle well and to wait with confidence.

Struggle well! Wait in hope!'"

[from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, copyright 2009]

Love Never Fails

This is my favorite blog layout thus far.
I just love to look at it. Kudos to ShabbyBlogs.com.

"And we know
that for those who love God
all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

I'm pretty sure this verse got me through last week. I've never fought against the will of God more in my life. I've never asked him to not have want he wants to give me before now. I've never asked to have him tell me I'm wrong in what I'm hearing from him with more fervor.

And yet, he continues to guide me toward the future he's shown me, with no timeline or promises other than the promise of his goodness, faithfulness and steadfast love. In the grand scheme of life, how could I ask for more?

Love is ridiculous. I wish it made more sense. It defies common sense and pride, and demands that you get on your knees and wash another's feet- when they love you for it, and when they wish you would go away.

"Love never fails." Have you thought about that? If I love someone, that action can't fail. It may not get me what I think that I want, but it will bring about the righteousness that God requires. Anger won't. (See James 1:20) So, I will love, even if it "kills" me, and it will. However, out of my "death" God will resurrect a more beautiful version of myself that resembles his likeness more than it ever has before.

I think that's worth "dying" for. ;)

Psalms 62:8

"O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge."
~ Psalm 62:8, NLT

Something's Missing

"If I find within myself a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, then the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

"At the end of it all, I want to be in Your arms."

God desires our brokeness.

Only, though, if we refuse to be molded. Like that sheep that keeps wandering away from safety, the shepard will break the sheeps leg so that it will learn to stay near the shepard.

I don't believe that God broke me this time. This time someone else did, and he is requiring me to let me let him be my healer. To keep me from building walls that will keep people out and ultimately Him. He's going to be my cast, if you will. He'll keep my heart from healing crooked, and becoming bitter, jaded, or pitiful. He'll keep me from trying to protect myself- after all I do a terrible job, anyways. Above all, he'll have me healed and stronger than I was before to be ready for what he has in store for me.

Sometimes I still hurt, and I'm sure that even healed fully I'll have the scar. However scars don't have to be a reminder of the pain inflicted- they can be a reminder of the healing that occurred. Being ready for what will come as a result of the breaking, "setting", and healing would be impossible without this invitation from God:

"Call to me and I will answer you,

and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have no known."

Jeremiah 33:3

*Sigh* I'm not sure I'll ever understand the Lord and his ways. I can't even see how this will be for my good, but I know that it will be. He's been so faithful to share with me how what is being required of me will be used.

I trust God.

If you can say that without a "but" to follow, that's a guaranteed beautiful ending.

ugh... crazy week.

tomorrow for sure... ;)