Psalms 62:8

"O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge."
~ Psalm 62:8, NLT

Something's Missing

"If I find within myself a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, then the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

"At the end of it all, I want to be in Your arms."

God desires our brokeness.

Only, though, if we refuse to be molded. Like that sheep that keeps wandering away from safety, the shepard will break the sheeps leg so that it will learn to stay near the shepard.

I don't believe that God broke me this time. This time someone else did, and he is requiring me to let me let him be my healer. To keep me from building walls that will keep people out and ultimately Him. He's going to be my cast, if you will. He'll keep my heart from healing crooked, and becoming bitter, jaded, or pitiful. He'll keep me from trying to protect myself- after all I do a terrible job, anyways. Above all, he'll have me healed and stronger than I was before to be ready for what he has in store for me.

Sometimes I still hurt, and I'm sure that even healed fully I'll have the scar. However scars don't have to be a reminder of the pain inflicted- they can be a reminder of the healing that occurred. Being ready for what will come as a result of the breaking, "setting", and healing would be impossible without this invitation from God:

"Call to me and I will answer you,

and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have no known."

Jeremiah 33:3

*Sigh* I'm not sure I'll ever understand the Lord and his ways. I can't even see how this will be for my good, but I know that it will be. He's been so faithful to share with me how what is being required of me will be used.

I trust God.

If you can say that without a "but" to follow, that's a guaranteed beautiful ending.

ugh... crazy week.

tomorrow for sure... ;)

Pinky Promise

I promise I will update and write tomorrow. Promise!

Life Is A Highway

Your life can take so many different directions. For some it never shifts gears out of neutral, due to comfort zones and fear of change. For the vast majority of us, though, we put our lives in drive and head off in various directions. Inside that group is a group that decided to not plan a course, but rather follow their Creator's directions. This takes ultimate faith and reckless abandon of your own wants and desires. Declaring that this is something you want is one thing, but choosing to be steadfast in the moments where you feel faint, that's where you really decide to give Him control. I can't even begin to tell of the moments I asked him where I was going. The conversations about what I thought He wanted and what was or wasn't happening are so raw and exposing of the rotten condition of my heart, most of you wouldn't know me if you read/heard them.
Those are the moments that made me who I am. If you're wondering, or have ever wondered how I got here (which, for the record, isn't quite yet where I want to be), it's a result of those moments. I chose to trust a God that I can't see, that I can't even tangibly prove exists. I don't know anything about science, and I haven't studied the archeological evidence of his work- although I believe both, but you couldn't ever possibly talk me out of his existence and the moving of his Spirit in my life.
I shouldn't have survived the heartache that I have. The pain and anguish that my heart has undergone should have rendered me a bitter, jaded prune of a woman, and yet... I have healing. I have an intense desire to fight for people and relationships.
I have moved more than I would ever like to- I hate moving, for the record- and I know that I will make even more difficult moves in my life. It's the path He's put me on and I wouldn't know what to do if he put me in one spot doing the same thing for the rest of my life. ha!
How can I express what a good God that I serve? I feel as though my heart may burst from the love I hold for him. A love I couldn't ever give to anyone else. Because when everyone failed me, there he was. When I didn't understand the movement of his will, I held on to the fact that he was good, and I came out on the other side, looking back seeing that faith proven well placed. Seeing even that he had been more faithful to me, than I to him.

I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

So! Here's what I have to say:
Don't live your life in neutral. Don't even live it planning your own course.
He's calling you to more than you can imagine.
The cool part is that it won't look anything like the life to which he's calling me. You could never leave the church or geographical region that he placed you in at birth. Or you could end in a place you never even thought you'd visit or working at a church that is so different than what you thought you'd be comfortable in, but he'll stretch you and you'll grow. He'll develop new gifts in you and perfect the ones you already have. You'll be exactly where you've always wanted to be and, at times, places you wouldn't even put people you don't like.

It'll all be worth it. After all, "nothing is a waste of time if it adds to the person you are,"

and in the end you get intimacy with the God of the universe who, for reasons I don't understand, just wants to be with us and tell us his plans. (see John 15)

I'll take it. :)

"Because these things will change, can you feel it now?"

Can I say for the record that I like change?

I cannot be linked into the massive group of people that don't like change. I've heard it said, "Well, nobody likes change." Now you can say, "No, I know someone who likes it."

Transition is awkward, so I'm not a huge fan. Or the moments leading up to change and transition... I don't like those so much either.

Change though... that's fun. "Wherever God leads" are the most adventurous daring words in the English language. It's what keeps you from being stagnant, too comfortable and apathetic. I like being slightly uncomfortable, always moving, and caring so much that my heart might burst and I need to go home to be alone to contain it.
How could you live any other way? How could you possibly give everything of yourself that you're meant to if you don't live this way?

When I was praying about taking the job in Tennessee, I worried about my girls in Illinois. I'll never forget those conversations with God. Me throwing out a reason to not take the job and God answering with a way that he would have that concern taken care of, making my reason an excuse. One of the things he said to me concerning my girls was, "How can you lead them as you're supposed to, if you aren't following me?"
Our life in Christ is supposed to be led by him, others moving in and out of our influence, but that doesn't mean that we lose contact. (Besides, we can always creep on them via Facebook. :p) Ergo, unless we let go, we can't lose those God places in our paths.
And God's right (imagine that). How could I show my girls a life that trusts God completely unless I act on that trust I have in him?

Change will happen and this is a great opportunity for me to show the girls how God takes care of you and how he has amazing plans for our lives. I am loving every minute of it. :)